I watched a futurist TV program recently and in it the characters could play back their memories through a chip in their brain. The memories could be projected onto a screen so they could watch alone or with others. They could rewind, zoom in and watch again and again. At first this is revolutionary technology, to be able to rewatch and relive wonderful memories of getting married, of having children, amazing holidays and parties. But instead each of the characters replays failed job interviews, arguments and mistakes, picking apart every subtle movement and every word, trying to figure out what went wrong and still each person would have a different opinion of the experience depending on their perspective.
It might seem like just sci fi and unrealistic but in reality that is exactly what we do when we look back. Have you every re-lived an experience through your thoughts, going over every word you said or did not say, or each response you received back, trying to mind read what others thought of you?
We can get stuck looking back, instead of looking forward.
Most often when we look into the past and dwell there, we are looking at the negative experiences we have had. Looking back at past mistakes and failures and reliving those experiences again and again. It gives us a distorted view and also creates false memories. If you are only running the same experiences looking for the mistakes, you start to believe that your interpretation of events is the actual truth of what happened. The more you think about it, the more important and true the event becomes to your brain. For example, you may have gone to a party and met someone new at that party. That person had just finished a funny conversation with someone else and laughed as they were introduced to you. Because of the timing of that laugh, you interpret it as they were laughing at you. You play that over in your mind again and again looking for the reason or reliving the embarrassment, creating an answer in your mind and now your only memory of the party is negative. But in fact except for that moment, the rest of the party was great but as you only focus on that experience and relentlessly tell yourself he was laughing at you, it becomes your memory.
Always looking back, in a misguided opinion that you can fix or change something is pointless, only ending up in frustration and insecurity. In the present wonderful opportunities and incredible experiences are right in front of you, but looking behind you, you will miss them.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-15
Practical tips to looking forward
- Be alert to present opportunities and new blessings – pay attention to what is on your plate now. You have enough to do today, don’t lose time and energy thinking about yesterday. There is work for us to do today, lets put all our effort into that.
- When stuck, take baby steps. If the present scares you and the past seems more familiar and safe, take baby steps into your future. We can get stuck in the past, even though it was not good because it is what we know, we know the outcome. It is like watching a rerun of a old movie, you know what is going to happen and you know the main character will make it to the end. But watching a new movie is uncertain and unknown, you don’t know what will happen next. Life is uncertain, there is risk just being alive, but there is also happiness, joy and fulfillment ahead. You don’t need to take huge leaps and jumps into the unknown, you just need to take little baby steps.
- Don’t believe everything you think or remember. Your thoughts and feelings can not always be trusted. They are our interpretations of the world based on our knowledge and experiences, the same is true for memories. Be wise about what you choose to focus on. If you are unsure get some guidance from a trained professional. They will help you work through the truth and the distortions in a safe and compassionate environment.