Not so Merry Christmas

Coping with grief at the holidays


As the end of the year approaches, everywhere we turn someone is wishing us a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year. Well wishers encourage us to be happy, but sometimes Christmas is not so merry. Christmas can be incredibly painful when you are grieving.

In the season that celebrates love and family, the sense of loss and grief can feel strong and raw. Whether the loss was weeks ago, or months or even years ago, grief can hit hard at Christmas.

Grief is a very normal and healthy response to a loss. It is the emotions you feel when you lose someone or something important to you. We can grieve for many different reasons, including the death of someone we love, divorce or the breakdown in a relationship, or being diagnosed with a serious illness or changes in the health of those we care about, or the loss of a job or a business.

Grief can feel isolating and people around us might not understand what we are feeling. But we don’t need to put on a brave face, it is ok to feel sad, for tears to flow, to honour the person or honour what we have lost.

Grief is a normal reaction to loss, it is not a sign of weakness or lack of faith but the price of love. 

Tips for surviving Christmas

Embrace the meaning of Christmas when you are grieving

Christmas is the recognition of the birth of Jesus and Jesus is the hope for the world. That is true no matter how we feel. God understands our grief and will be our comforter. Focus on the reason for Christmas.The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Sometimes you need to change the traditions

Do things a little different this year, maybe it would be easier to not do certain things that trigger your grief or maybe just do less this year to help manage your stress levels. Your world has changed so Christmas does not need to be the same as last year.

Add a new tradition which honours your loss and celebrates the memories. Light a candle, donate to a charity that is significant to you or make a special meal or visit a place you love. Make a new tradition that remembers.

Plan ahead for what you might not be able to handle

Something will be harder than other things, some people will be more challenging to be around. Make a plan for how to deal with possible difficult situations that might arise and make a plan of how you will deal with that ahead of time.

Take care of yourself

Exhaustion and stress do not help when dealing with grief. Take care of your physical body, get extra sleep, eat well, rest, limit alcohol, lower your expectations and set boundaries when you need to. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace, forgiveness and patience.

Let yourself grieve

Grief is normal process and it is healthy to move along the process. Let yourself feel your grief. Tears are ok. Having sad moments is ok.

It’s okay to feel good

Grief will come and go and it is ok to have happy times also. Grieving is not feeling bad all the time and if you smile or have a good day that is ok, is not a reflection on how little the loss or the person meant to you. You can be happy or laugh while grieving, it is ok and you don’t need to feel guilty about enjoying those moments.

Need someone to talk to?

Choose a few trusted people to confide in when you are struggling. Sometimes just letting someone know you need a hug or a break can make all the difference.

Christmas can be a difficult time. Jesus, who Christmas is all about came to heal our broken hearts and set us free. Open your heart to Jesus and let him comfort and heal your wounds.

 

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

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