confidence

What do you see in the mirror?

By Staci McLean on Tuesday, August 11, 2020

On my dressing table I have a small standalone mirror. It has lights around the edges and one side is a normal mirror and the other side is a magnifying mirror. The normal side is good, the lights make it easier to put on my makeup but if by mistake I flip it over and catch a glimpse at my magnified image, it is shocking. Every bump, spot or wrinkle is enlarged and amplified. When I first discovered the magnified side of the mirror, I started obsessing about all my ‘flaws’ on my face and wondering how to fix them. Until I realised that no one ever looks at my face that closely or with a magnifying glass and those ‘flaws’ were nothing more than normal skin and normal aging. The magnification gave me an altered reality. It is true in life as well, what we focus on and magnify in our minds can become more significant to us whether it is real or not.

When you look in the mirror or think about your character and who you are as a person, do you focus only on your faults and what needs to be ‘fixed’ or can you see your beauty and all the amazing qualities you have.

A mirror can only reflect what is standing in front of it. We interpret the image and make conclusions and judgements about what we see. A mirror does not say you are ugly or worthless, you tell yourself that. Neither does the mirror tell you that you are acceptable and confident; your personality will reflect that inner belief.

Holding up a magnifying glass can make you see flaws that are not even there or make you obsess and have an unhealthy fixation on yourself. Spending too much time and energy focused on yourself and judging yourself harshly is unproductive and destroys self-esteem. It leads you away from freedom and from being who God created you to be and away from your purpose. Rather learn to see yourself as God sees you, a work in progress but loved and accepted.

“Every time you look in the mirror remember that God created you and that everything He creates is beautiful and good!”
Joyce Meyer

Confidence and Self esteem

Failure is not fatal

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Stop letting your fear of a failure hold you back

For many people, the ‘fear of failure’ is the number one reason for not stepping out or creating something new or trying something they have never done before or to pursue a dream. The fear of failure can stop more people than the fear of the actual activity. It is not so much the jumping out of the plane that is terrifies us but the fear of the parachute failing.

What if you have already tried and tried again? It is even scarier to try once more after you have already ‘failed’.

The problem is not the fear of failure or the failure itself, but our concept of what failure is. Failure is simply when something we did, does not meet our expectations. The problem is not in the failure but in our expectations.

Life lesson – things will usually NOT go as planned or turn out as you expect, that is ok. As soon as you accept this and adjust your expectations the sooner your concept of failure will adapt. Failure is just information collection. You tried, it did not work out as expected, what can you learn?

I have learnt that what I expect to happen and what I think success is, is often at odds to what God has planned for me and God’s plan is always so much better than what I could have thought of.

I might feel like it was a failure and I feel disappointed and discouraged, but God had planned for me to learn and grow. Through my ‘failures’ I have learnt perseverance, patience, grit, obedience, courage, determination, joy and humour. My faith, confidence and trust in God has strengthened and my knowledge of myself and my purpose is stronger. I gain more from a failure than a success.

Reduce the fear of failure by reducing your perception of the risk. For most things we do, the risk is not as high as we think. We might risk some discomfort, some inconvenience, or some embarrassment, but what we will gain in personal growth, character development and drawing closer to God is invaluable.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
― Winston S. Churchill

Confidence and Self esteem

Bad Hair Day?

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Is your confidence dependent on your appearance?

Yesterday I saw an advert on Facebook it went something like this, are you shy or depressed, do you feel bad about yourself and unhappy with your life, do you want to be happy and have confidence and have an amazing fun life? Then click here…

The answer to all these problems according to this advert was weight loss. If you use their product to lose weight you will be confident and happy.

I have a big problem with this. Firstly, the assumption that if you are overweight you must be depressed, unhappy, timid and have a miserable life. Secondly, that looking good and slim will make you confident.

We are bombarded with messages that tell us we cannot be confident unless we look a certain way and if we don’t, we should be ashamed and disappointed. To feel confident, you must be (or appear to be) young, slim and beautiful. Therefore, the reason you are unhappy or shy is your appearance, so change it.

The answer we are told is to buy this weight loss product, or shapewear or contouring makeup or creams and serums or jeans that suck your tummy in or have plastic surgery. All this is driven by a multimillion-dollar industry, who profit from making you feel insecure and ashamed.

There is nothing wrong with looking after your body, your health and losing weight is you need to. Nor is there anything wrong with dressing nicely or getting your hair done or taking care of your skin. The problem is in where are you getting your confidence from and the damaging lies that you are believing. Why can’t you be confident, assertive and capable just the way you are now? Does your confidence come from what you look like or from who you are as a person?

Recently I watched a plastic surgery program about a woman who had a nose job that did not go as she expected and she thought she had been botched. To me it looked fine and I would not have even noticed it if it had not been pointed out in the TV program. She was so embarrassed about her ‘ugly’ nose she did not go out, never took her kids to the park and never went out to dinner with her husband. She was convinced everyone was staring at her ‘deformed’ nose. Her confidence and self esteem was destroyed. In the show her nose was ‘fixed’ and of course she was happy again, but the episode left me feeling disillusioned. How sad it was that this woman’s whole self-worth was tied up in her appearance and without a ‘perfect’ nose she felt useless, ashamed and not worthy of enjoying her life. Her nose is only a fraction of her physical body and no part of her character and personality, yet carried ALL the weight of her confidence.

She is not alone or unusual, many of us focus on one small area of our appearance and let it control how we feel about ourselves. How we feel about ourselves influences our careers, our relationships, our choices, our happiness and our future. Our body parts do not determine our value. My jiggly tummy just makes me a person with jiggly tummy not a bad person unworthy of love or a good life.

Be critical of the messages you encounter through the media, social media and in advertising. Know your worth and your value is not from your appearance but from God who loves you and deems you worthy. Focus more on your character and being a better person than on your outside appearance and you will be truly confident and happier.

Tag Archives: confidence

What do you see in the mirror?

Failure is not fatal

Stop letting your fear of a failure hold you back

Bad Hair Day?

Is your confidence dependent on your appearance?

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7