faith

Getting old is a privilege

By Staci McLean on Thursday, February 9, 2023

Not everyone gets old, not everyone gets to see wrinkles on their face, or their hair go grey. Not everyone gets to see their kids grow up, get married and have their own kids. Growing old is a privilege.

I am grateful that I am getting old. There have been many times when I was younger, where I put myself into dangerous situations and did behaviours that put my life at risk without a second thought. There were times where I was close to taking my own life. One particular night I was seriously considering suicide. I felt hopeless and broken, lost in a cycle of addiction and shame. I thought the world, my friends and family would have been better off without me. But God intervened and change my life forever on that night.

Yesterday was my birthday and it prompted me to think about all the birthdays and celebrations I have had since that night. All the things I would have missed if on that one occasion when I was in so much pain and felt completely hopeless, I took the next step and ended my life. God gave me a gift that night. My eyes were open to hope and freedom. I was given hope, hope that I had a good future ahead of me, that God had plans and purposes for my life and that he cared and loved me. I found freedom, freedom from my addictions and self-hatred, freedom for the guilt and shame that consumed me.

Now I am hopeful and walk in freedom. Grateful that I was given a second chance at life. A chance to do it right and help others find hope and joy for themselves.

Stop complaining about getting older, be grateful for everyday you get to be alive. Every day is precious, so make the most of this very special gift you have been given. Life is a wonderful adventure through valleys and to the top of mountains, so wherever you are treasure the view.

“Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.”
Mark Twain

Click here to find out more about my story and my book ‘Soaring out of the darkness’

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Freedom Hope Inspiration

Live life looking forward

By Staci McLean on Thursday, March 17, 2022

I watched a futurist TV program recently and in it the characters could play back their memories through a chip in their brain. The memories could be projected onto a screen so they could watch alone or with others. They could rewind, zoom in and watch again and again. At first this is revolutionary technology, to be able to rewatch and relive wonderful memories of getting married, of having children, amazing holidays and parties. But instead each of the characters replays failed job interviews, arguments and mistakes, picking apart every subtle movement and every word, trying to figure out what went wrong and still each person would have a different opinion of the experience depending on their perspective.

It might seem like just sci fi and unrealistic but in reality that is exactly what we do when we look back. Have you every re-lived an experience through your thoughts, going over every word you said or did not say, or each response you received back, trying to mind read what others thought of you?

We can get stuck looking back, instead of looking forward.

Most often when we look into the past and dwell there, we are looking at the negative experiences we have had. Looking back at past mistakes and failures and reliving those experiences again and again. It gives us a distorted view and also creates false memories. If you are only running the same experiences looking for the mistakes, you start to believe that your interpretation of events is the actual truth of what happened. The more you think about it, the more important and true the event becomes to your brain. For example, you may have gone to a party and met someone new at that party. That person had just finished a funny conversation with someone else and laughed as they were introduced to you. Because of the timing of that laugh, you interpret it as they were laughing at you. You play that over in your mind again and again looking for the reason or reliving the embarrassment, creating an answer in your mind and now your only memory of the party is negative. But in fact except for that moment, the rest of the party was great but as you only focus on that experience and relentlessly tell yourself he was laughing at you, it becomes your memory.

Always looking back, in a misguided opinion that you can fix or change something is pointless, only ending up in frustration and insecurity. In the present wonderful opportunities and incredible experiences are right in front of you, but looking behind you, you will miss them.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-15

Practical tips to looking forward

Be alert to present opportunities and new blessings – pay attention to what is on your plate now. You have enough to do today, don’t lose time and energy thinking about yesterday. There is work for us to do today, lets put all our effort into that.
When stuck, take baby steps. If the present scares you and the past seems more familiar and safe, take baby steps into your future. We can get stuck in the past, even though it was not good because it is what we know, we know the outcome. It is like watching a rerun of a old movie, you know what is going to happen and you know the main character will make it to the end. But watching a new movie is uncertain and unknown, you don’t know what will happen next. Life is uncertain, there is risk just being alive, but there is also happiness, joy and fulfillment ahead. You don’t need to take huge leaps and jumps into the unknown, you just need to take little baby steps.
Don’t believe everything you think or remember. Your thoughts and feelings can not always be trusted. They are our interpretations of the world based on our knowledge and experiences, the same is true for memories. Be wise about what you choose to focus on. If you are unsure get some guidance from a trained professional. They will help you work through the truth and the distortions in a safe and compassionate environment.

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Freedom Hope Inspiration Uncategorized

You can’t please them all

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Do you struggle to say NO?

Do you avoid conflict and pretend to agree with others?

Do you ignore your own calling, because you are scared of what people will say?

If so you might be a People Pleaser. But what is so wrong with wanting others to be happy?

A people pleaser is someone who tries very hard to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their own valuable time or resources away. It sounds like a good thing to care about people and want to help them, but when people pleasing comes from a place of pain and low self esteem it can result in feelings of overwhelm, stress and resentment.

People pleasing is often motivated by a need for approval and to avoid rejection. The striving and work hard is not coming from a place of fullness and joy but a place of emptiness. Instead of serving from self-less love, people pleasing is serving to meet a need for personal validation. People pleasing at a deep level is striving to please ourselves through the praise of others.

The danger in our desire to please, we might overlook or put up with behaviour which not acceptable. We might get carried away with a crowd and not stand up for what we believe because we don’t want to risk rejection. We might burnout because we take on too much responsibility.

We are not called to make other people happy. We are called to LOVE people not to please people. They are very different things.

Love can be gently challenging or correct someone.

Love can be saying NO to a request because they need to learn on their own or it is not good for them or someone else deserves an opportunity.

Love can be telling the truth about your own feelings even though it might hurt someone’s feelings, but result in a deeper honest relationship.

People pleasing is about serving YOU. Love is about serving GOD.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

You can recover from being a people pleaser

Practice listening and expressing your own thoughts and feelings, with kindness and love.

Take your decisions to God in prayer, rather than asking everyone else opinion.

Set boundaries. Respect yourself and other people, by being reasonable, honest and clear.

Encourage, respect, love and serve others. But do not compromise or bend to get their approval. You do not need it.

Addiction recovery Confidence and Self esteem Faith Freedom Hope Inspiration Stop your excuses

Pain Management

By Staci McLean on Monday, October 4, 2021

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
Westley, The Princess Bride

In the iconic and well loved movie the Princess Bride there is the above quote, which I love. Westley was right. Life is full of pain, that is the cost for the human experience. It comes with grief, disappointment, anger, hurt feelings and pain – physical and emotional. We tend to think that pain is the problem in our life, but pain itself is not the problem. The problems comes because we do not want to face our pain, we want to hide from it and so we look for something to ease our pain.

There are thousands of self-help programs, people, organisations that promise to take away all our pain and they promise us that we can be always be happy, feel good and be successful. But just like Westley said, these people are always selling something.

Another way we avoid pain is through mood altering substances or behaviours – alcohol, drugs, smoking, sex, sugar, Netflix, exercise. There are so many things we can use to change the chemical balances in our bodies artificially or naturally, to make ourselves feel better. As a recovering addict I know how attractive it can be to dull the pain for a moment. But those things only ever do the job for a moment and the pain returns.

By making ourselves feel better and using temporary avoidance of pain, we do ourselves a disservice. Because…

Where the pain is, is where you find growth.

Where the pain is, lies an opportunity to get closer to God

Where the pain is, we identify the truth about ourselves.

God never promised we would not suffer pain, in fact in many parts of the Bible we are told to expect suffering, persecution and pain. But God had a plan for us. Not in the comfort of people selling us a false dream or in activities that dull our pain but in faith and trust as we journey through our pain and into healing.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2

God tells us to expect suffering and pain, but also promises to comfort us, strengthen us, protect us, care for us and love us as we walk through the pain. Let yourself feel the pain, sit with it and process it and reap the benefits of walking out the other side. On the other side of pain is perseverance, strength, wisdom and truth.

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration Stop your excuses

Love Workouts

By Staci McLean on Monday, January 18, 2021

I have signed up to do a half marathon in March. I have done a few in the past but not for 2 or 3 years so I definitely need to train for it.

Training for a half marathon generally involves 4 types of workouts – speed, hills, long and easy. Speed workouts are shorter and faster to increase your pace. Hills increase your endurance and fitness. Long slow workouts help you be ready to cover the distance of a half marathon and easy is a workout but comfortable and enjoyable. Each training workout is designed to develop different skills and abilities. All together they make doing a challenge like a half marathon possible, not just to finish but to enjoy the journey and finish well.

Similarity in our lives if we want to develop perseverance, stamina, strength and tenacity, there are challenges that we must face to build these skills. Just like the workouts, we need different type of experiences to develop a variety of important life skills.

We will face speed challenges, those situations that require us to react quickly and respond immediately. It might be a highly stressful situation which does not last awfully long but requires all our energy and attention at the times.

And we will face the hills, the ups and downs of life. Sometimes we cruise downhill and then we need to put our heads down and give it a burst of energy as we face an uphill battle.

And there will be times when we are in for the long slow challenge. Those projects, dreams, or situations when we need to persevere and pace ourselves during periods of extended challenge or struggle. We are in for the long stretch and slow and steady wins this race.

And then in between we will have times when it is easy. Times when life is in cruise mode, breathing space. We can take a moment to enjoy and be grateful for all that we have.

All these different seasons and experiences we have in our live create our character and develop our resistance. God gives us opportunities to grow and learn for our benefit, these challenges and trials might seem like a bad thing, but they are not. They give us the ability to grow stronger and be ready for the future. Love the workouts.

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

God is calling you today!

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, November 4, 2020

When you’re sitting in church, listening to the notices asking for volunteers for the worship team and you feel a little nudge saying, ‘You could do that’. Do you obey and sign up?

When you hear your neighbour has lost their job and you feel a wee tug in your heart saying, ‘Go and help them.’ Do you obey and help?

When you’re sitting with a friend over coffee as she tells you her marriage is struggling, and the Holy Spirit prompts you to pray with her now. Do you obey and offer to pray with her right then?

These little moments are opportunities to follow the call of God and obey. When we are faithful and obey with the little things, God will trust us with the bigger things.

I have heard it said God will call us according to our gifts and talents. God created us all with different gifts, abilities and strengths, and it is good to work within those strengths, within our passions and interests.

But don’t limit God by working only within the things you already know or are good at.

How do you know what other hidden talents or character traits could be developed if you don’t step out and try different things? God knows best what you are capable of and He will equip you for any purpose He calls you for, but you might not have everything you need at the start of the process. Obey in faith, and trust God for provision of all you need as the journey continues.

I’ve also heard people say that if a calling is a struggle or too difficult, then it must not be from God. Some people say your calling should be natural and easy for you. I disagree.

Don’t use this as an excuse to not take on something that seems like an impossible challenge, or to give up. Following God’s call may not be easy, and it might not ‘feel’ natural—especially at the start. Be wary of quitting something and classifying it as not being your calling too soon just because it feels too hard or too unfamiliar. Push through. Then the growth will come.

If you think you have been called by God to do something big, a calling that will have an impact on your life or those around you, consider it seriously. Pray about it, study the Bible, and talk with God. Pray for clarification and confirmation. Talk with people who are involved. Take advice from trusted Christian friends. Seek advice from wise and spiritual leaders around you. Be sure you have a calling from God before you follow. Then obey and trust the journey.

Be prepared to step up and step out of your comfort zone. Be prepared for surprises. God often doesn’t do things the way we expect or would prefer.

The outcome may be surprising, unexpected or even disappointing. But that is our human perspective, not God’s all-knowing eternal perspective.

Our plans can never be as well-planned or as imaginative or as intricate as the plans of God, the Creator of the Universe.

(this blog is an extract from ‘Footfalls – Following God even when it hurts’ by Staci McLean. Purchase the book at www.stacimclean.co.nz)

“When God calls you to something, He is not always calling you to succeed, He’s calling you to obey! The success of the calling is up to Him; the obedience is up to you.”
David Wilkerson

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

This little piggy went to…

By Staci McLean on Tuesday, October 27, 2020

I kicked the door. I did not mean to, but I was rushing around, running late to an appointment and in my haste, I was not paying attention to where I was going. I am clumsy by nature and accidents are a usual accordance for me, so it was not so surprising that I kicked the door as I rushed past.

The only part of my foot that connected to the door was the most vulnerable and smallest part, my wee little toe. If you have had the experience of hurting your little toe in a similar incident, you will understand the agony.

Over the next few days, the toe swelled and turned a blue-black colour and I had trouble walking as putting my foot down was very sore. This very small, not very important part of my body, which I never usually pay any attention to now had my full attention. I could not walk without hurting it. I had trouble wearing shoes. I could not do my normal fitness activities and even sleeping was uncomfortable and difficult.

How can one small part of my body, impact my life so significantly?

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul compares the church to the human body. Even the smallest, seemly unimportant part of the body is absolutely vital and indispensable. If any part of the body is hurt or damaged the whole body suffers.

My little toe was hurt and damaged, but I did not want to remove it or hide it away instead I wanted to be extra gentle and careful and give it extra attention to restore it back to health.

As the church we can at times overlook the hurt, the damaged, the people on the margins, the ones who are hiding in the shadows or do not quite fit in. Instead we are called to bringing them in, care for them, nurture them, taking special care with them, giving them special honour as they are a vital part of the body of Christ. They are important and significant to the health of the church.

We need diversity and variety. We all have different gifts and talents, and we need each other. A church that is made up of just legs or arms would be useless to the world. We need little toes as much as we need the feet to carry them.

In your rushing about do not overlook the little toes, instead protect and take care of the little toes.

‘Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it’

1 Corinthians 12:27

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

Just in case

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, October 14, 2020

On a recent family holiday, I realised I had over packed, once again. I had way too much stuff and way more than we could possibly need. I had clothes for winter and summer conditions and everything in between, good clothes in case we went out, work out clothes in case I went for a run (I didn’t) and spares of everything JUST IN CASE!

It made me realise how much I prepare for ‘just in case’ and the stuff that I have accumulated on my journey through life. It is good to be prepared and sensible but often this translate into our emotional and spiritual lives well. There are so many emotional bags I have collected and keep inside, afraid to let go because of ‘just in case’. How much of this stuff is preventing my spiritual growth and my reliance on God?

When Jesus sent the disciples out to share the good news in Matthew 10, he sent them out in groups of two but without anything and they were instructed not to take any provisions with them. They were sent out and told to rely on the goodness of strangers and on Gods provision. I bet they had wanted to take a few spare pairs of shoes or some food or in least a drink bottle, just in case. But had they done that, they would not have experienced God’s miracles of provision or learnt valuable lessons in trust.

Setting aside money or savings for a rainy day or taking a raincoat with you on a cloudy day is not being unfaithful or untrusting but in fact quite sensible. It is not these things in themselves that are wrong, but when they become our full reliance, our trust, our security instead of God, we are missing out on the miracles and the opportunities.

In an emotional sense, my ‘just in case’ reasoning leads me to withhold just a little bit of my energy or my time or my heart from God and from following the plans God has for me with 100%. ‘Just in case’ is protection and comes from doubt that maybe God will not come through when it matters or perhaps Gods plans will not work out the way I want them too.

When Jesus sent the disciples they were not promised everything would be rosy, in fact they were told they would be rejected, kicked out, ignored by the people, but they would also have their basic physical needs meet and would perform miracles, cast out demons and heal the sick. When they returned, they told of all the amazing things that had happened. I would have loved to hear those stories, faith building testimonies of God’s love and faithfulness.

When you set aside your spiritual ‘just in case’ and wholeheartedly rely and trust on God to keep His promises, to care for you and know what is best for you, you will see miracles, have an impact on the world around you and collect your own stories of Gods faithfulness and love.

“Don’t worry about your future. God knows you completely, accepts you unconditionally and loves you wholeheartedly. You can trust Him”
Nicky Gumbel

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

Happiness is not a goal; it is a side effect.

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, September 16, 2020

‘Don’t worry, be happy’ was a popular song in the late 80s when I was a teenager. It became my manta and my main goal in life was to be happy. But I was not a happy teenager, I had a difficult home situation and was emotionally unstable. Due to this the ‘don’t worry, be happy’ movement for me became about seeking pleasure and avoiding pain at all costs. Seeking short term pleasure led me to make loads of terrible decisions with long last consequences and did not make me happy, it made me more miserable. Happiness itself should not be our goal and especially looking for it in a quick fix, but joy and long-lasting happiness is a side effect or by-product of a life lived well and with purpose.

The dictionary defines happiness as a feeling of joy, pleasure, or good fortune. Being pleased, content, glad and of good wellbeing. It is a nice definition but I think the key to happiness is not what ‘happy’ is but what causes us to be happy.

If your happiness is dependent on external sources, it will be unpredictable and changeable. If you rely on your family, your kids, your job, your successes, your house, your possessions, your holidays to give you feelings of happiness and joy, you will ultimately experience disappointment and unhappiness as those things can never satisfy us long term or they will let us down at some point.

But if you focus instead of living a good life, a life with God at the centre, in service to other people, caring about yourself and looking after your physical, emotional and spiritual needs you will be happy and have a type of happiness that is not dependent on the circumstances of your life but a happiness that has an eternal perspective.

Life is filled with a mixture of emotions and our happiness levels do fluctuate with our experiences. There will be special days when we feel delighted and elated with life. There are good days when we feel content and merry and bad days when we are stressed and sad. Sometimes these things happen all at the same time. There will be times when we suddenly feel sad at a happy event or have a moment of laughter in the middle of grief. Our humanity allows us to experience a range of emotions, but a solid baseline of happiness unrelated to any situation you find yourself in, will keep bringing you back to a joyful and grateful wellbeing.

That baseline of happiness is the joy and freedom of a relationship with Jesus. The joy of knowing Jesus is what allowed the disciples to sing in prison and rejoice in hardship and under persecution. Their happiness was because of their knowledge of and their faith in Jesus. Happiness was never their goal but it was a side effect of their faith.

“I have neither tongue nor pen to express to you the happiness of such as are in Christ.”
Samuel Rutherford

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

‘I can’t handle it any more’

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, September 9, 2020

What to do when you feel overwhelmed

A wave of dread came over me, I could feel my heart starting to beat faster, my stomach twisting. I felt like I was drowning and could not breathe, a huge weight rested on my chest. Overpowered and unable to think clearly or logically. Overwhelmed by the thought of the day ahead of me.

Have you ever felt like that? Totally overwhelmed, lost and in over your head? Sometimes it can be a huge task ahead of you that fills you with terror and fear or maybe it is just the normal day to day activities that just become too much to handle.

When we feel overwhelmed, it is because we are looking into the future and guessing what those future experiences will be like and we believe that it will be more than what we can handle. It is an emotional response from not being able to see a way through the current situation or not being unable to see a solution to a problem.

Overwhelm can feel like drowning in stress, being crushed or buried by the weight of your responsibilities and the people who are relying on you or your never ending ‘to do’ list. Swamped like this, your spirit and joy for life is extinguished.

The feelings of ‘overwhelmed’ shows themselves in many ways, it is different for each of us. Overwhelm might result in anxiety, anger, irritability, worry, doubt, helplessness, crying, lashing out or panic attacks.

With so much pressure, expectations, and busyness on us in this modern world, it is not surprising that many of us experience feeling of overwhelm and are affected by our responses to it.

The answer to overwhelm is not to do more or to run away and hide. But as Christians, we have a unique perspective to feelings of overwhelm, that is not to fight it but to surrender. It does not matter if you cannot handle any more, God can handle it all for you.

‘From the end of the earth I will cry to you whenever my heart is overwhelmed. Place me on the rock that’s too high for me’. Psalm 61:2.

When we surrender our feelings of overwhelm and surrender our desire to be in control to God and trust God to provide and protect us, He can lift us above our circumstances to give us a more accurate perspective. When we have a God led perspective and peace, we are then in a position to face our problems, make good decisions and cope with what is going on.

From this higher viewpoint, we can distinguish between tasks of necessity and self inflicted overwhelm from perfectionism, unrealistic expectations and over packed schedules. God is interested in your day to day and wants to help guide you to life a life of joy and purpose.

Practical tools to help with overwhelm

Ask for and accept help from other people

You do not need to do everything on your own. Often people want to help they just do not know how or what to do. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but understanding your needs is a part of emotional strength and health.

Be kind to yourself and challenge overwhelm thoughts

Thoughts like ‘I will never be able to do that’, ‘it is too hard’, ‘I can’t do it’, ‘I am useless’ are all unhelpful and unkind to yourself. Be your own best friend and support yourself through positive words and encourage your best efforts.

Set boundaries on your time and workload

Saying NO is ok. You don’t need to say yes to everything that is asked of you. Set boundaries on your time and your energy to do the things that are important and also some fun things.

Action a few quick and easy items first

When you have a long list of things to do and you feel overwhelmed, choose one or two of the easiest and less time-consuming items to do them first and do it immediately. By taking action and making a start you create momentum which will spur you on and motivate you to take action on the rest of your list.

‘The heart of God loves a persevering worshipper who, though overwhelmed by many troubles, is overwhelmed even more by the beauty of God’
Matt Redman

Tag Archives: faith

You can recover from being a people pleaser

What to do when you feel overwhelmed

Practical tools to help with overwhelm