hope

Getting old is a privilege

By Staci McLean on Thursday, February 9, 2023

Not everyone gets old, not everyone gets to see wrinkles on their face, or their hair go grey. Not everyone gets to see their kids grow up, get married and have their own kids. Growing old is a privilege.

I am grateful that I am getting old. There have been many times when I was younger, where I put myself into dangerous situations and did behaviours that put my life at risk without a second thought. There were times where I was close to taking my own life. One particular night I was seriously considering suicide. I felt hopeless and broken, lost in a cycle of addiction and shame. I thought the world, my friends and family would have been better off without me. But God intervened and change my life forever on that night.

Yesterday was my birthday and it prompted me to think about all the birthdays and celebrations I have had since that night. All the things I would have missed if on that one occasion when I was in so much pain and felt completely hopeless, I took the next step and ended my life. God gave me a gift that night. My eyes were open to hope and freedom. I was given hope, hope that I had a good future ahead of me, that God had plans and purposes for my life and that he cared and loved me. I found freedom, freedom from my addictions and self-hatred, freedom for the guilt and shame that consumed me.

Now I am hopeful and walk in freedom. Grateful that I was given a second chance at life. A chance to do it right and help others find hope and joy for themselves.

Stop complaining about getting older, be grateful for everyday you get to be alive. Every day is precious, so make the most of this very special gift you have been given. Life is a wonderful adventure through valleys and to the top of mountains, so wherever you are treasure the view.

“Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.”
Mark Twain

Click here to find out more about my story and my book ‘Soaring out of the darkness’

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Freedom Hope Inspiration

Live life looking forward

By Staci McLean on Thursday, March 17, 2022

I watched a futurist TV program recently and in it the characters could play back their memories through a chip in their brain. The memories could be projected onto a screen so they could watch alone or with others. They could rewind, zoom in and watch again and again. At first this is revolutionary technology, to be able to rewatch and relive wonderful memories of getting married, of having children, amazing holidays and parties. But instead each of the characters replays failed job interviews, arguments and mistakes, picking apart every subtle movement and every word, trying to figure out what went wrong and still each person would have a different opinion of the experience depending on their perspective.

It might seem like just sci fi and unrealistic but in reality that is exactly what we do when we look back. Have you every re-lived an experience through your thoughts, going over every word you said or did not say, or each response you received back, trying to mind read what others thought of you?

We can get stuck looking back, instead of looking forward.

Most often when we look into the past and dwell there, we are looking at the negative experiences we have had. Looking back at past mistakes and failures and reliving those experiences again and again. It gives us a distorted view and also creates false memories. If you are only running the same experiences looking for the mistakes, you start to believe that your interpretation of events is the actual truth of what happened. The more you think about it, the more important and true the event becomes to your brain. For example, you may have gone to a party and met someone new at that party. That person had just finished a funny conversation with someone else and laughed as they were introduced to you. Because of the timing of that laugh, you interpret it as they were laughing at you. You play that over in your mind again and again looking for the reason or reliving the embarrassment, creating an answer in your mind and now your only memory of the party is negative. But in fact except for that moment, the rest of the party was great but as you only focus on that experience and relentlessly tell yourself he was laughing at you, it becomes your memory.

Always looking back, in a misguided opinion that you can fix or change something is pointless, only ending up in frustration and insecurity. In the present wonderful opportunities and incredible experiences are right in front of you, but looking behind you, you will miss them.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-15

Practical tips to looking forward

Be alert to present opportunities and new blessings – pay attention to what is on your plate now. You have enough to do today, don’t lose time and energy thinking about yesterday. There is work for us to do today, lets put all our effort into that.
When stuck, take baby steps. If the present scares you and the past seems more familiar and safe, take baby steps into your future. We can get stuck in the past, even though it was not good because it is what we know, we know the outcome. It is like watching a rerun of a old movie, you know what is going to happen and you know the main character will make it to the end. But watching a new movie is uncertain and unknown, you don’t know what will happen next. Life is uncertain, there is risk just being alive, but there is also happiness, joy and fulfillment ahead. You don’t need to take huge leaps and jumps into the unknown, you just need to take little baby steps.
Don’t believe everything you think or remember. Your thoughts and feelings can not always be trusted. They are our interpretations of the world based on our knowledge and experiences, the same is true for memories. Be wise about what you choose to focus on. If you are unsure get some guidance from a trained professional. They will help you work through the truth and the distortions in a safe and compassionate environment.

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Freedom Hope Inspiration Uncategorized

You can’t please them all

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Do you struggle to say NO?

Do you avoid conflict and pretend to agree with others?

Do you ignore your own calling, because you are scared of what people will say?

If so you might be a People Pleaser. But what is so wrong with wanting others to be happy?

A people pleaser is someone who tries very hard to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their own valuable time or resources away. It sounds like a good thing to care about people and want to help them, but when people pleasing comes from a place of pain and low self esteem it can result in feelings of overwhelm, stress and resentment.

People pleasing is often motivated by a need for approval and to avoid rejection. The striving and work hard is not coming from a place of fullness and joy but a place of emptiness. Instead of serving from self-less love, people pleasing is serving to meet a need for personal validation. People pleasing at a deep level is striving to please ourselves through the praise of others.

The danger in our desire to please, we might overlook or put up with behaviour which not acceptable. We might get carried away with a crowd and not stand up for what we believe because we don’t want to risk rejection. We might burnout because we take on too much responsibility.

We are not called to make other people happy. We are called to LOVE people not to please people. They are very different things.

Love can be gently challenging or correct someone.

Love can be saying NO to a request because they need to learn on their own or it is not good for them or someone else deserves an opportunity.

Love can be telling the truth about your own feelings even though it might hurt someone’s feelings, but result in a deeper honest relationship.

People pleasing is about serving YOU. Love is about serving GOD.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

You can recover from being a people pleaser

Practice listening and expressing your own thoughts and feelings, with kindness and love.

Take your decisions to God in prayer, rather than asking everyone else opinion.

Set boundaries. Respect yourself and other people, by being reasonable, honest and clear.

Encourage, respect, love and serve others. But do not compromise or bend to get their approval. You do not need it.

Addiction recovery Confidence and Self esteem Faith Freedom Hope Inspiration Stop your excuses

Pain Management

By Staci McLean on Monday, October 4, 2021

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
Westley, The Princess Bride

In the iconic and well loved movie the Princess Bride there is the above quote, which I love. Westley was right. Life is full of pain, that is the cost for the human experience. It comes with grief, disappointment, anger, hurt feelings and pain – physical and emotional. We tend to think that pain is the problem in our life, but pain itself is not the problem. The problems comes because we do not want to face our pain, we want to hide from it and so we look for something to ease our pain.

There are thousands of self-help programs, people, organisations that promise to take away all our pain and they promise us that we can be always be happy, feel good and be successful. But just like Westley said, these people are always selling something.

Another way we avoid pain is through mood altering substances or behaviours – alcohol, drugs, smoking, sex, sugar, Netflix, exercise. There are so many things we can use to change the chemical balances in our bodies artificially or naturally, to make ourselves feel better. As a recovering addict I know how attractive it can be to dull the pain for a moment. But those things only ever do the job for a moment and the pain returns.

By making ourselves feel better and using temporary avoidance of pain, we do ourselves a disservice. Because…

Where the pain is, is where you find growth.

Where the pain is, lies an opportunity to get closer to God

Where the pain is, we identify the truth about ourselves.

God never promised we would not suffer pain, in fact in many parts of the Bible we are told to expect suffering, persecution and pain. But God had a plan for us. Not in the comfort of people selling us a false dream or in activities that dull our pain but in faith and trust as we journey through our pain and into healing.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2

God tells us to expect suffering and pain, but also promises to comfort us, strengthen us, protect us, care for us and love us as we walk through the pain. Let yourself feel the pain, sit with it and process it and reap the benefits of walking out the other side. On the other side of pain is perseverance, strength, wisdom and truth.

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration Stop your excuses

Love Workouts

By Staci McLean on Monday, January 18, 2021

I have signed up to do a half marathon in March. I have done a few in the past but not for 2 or 3 years so I definitely need to train for it.

Training for a half marathon generally involves 4 types of workouts – speed, hills, long and easy. Speed workouts are shorter and faster to increase your pace. Hills increase your endurance and fitness. Long slow workouts help you be ready to cover the distance of a half marathon and easy is a workout but comfortable and enjoyable. Each training workout is designed to develop different skills and abilities. All together they make doing a challenge like a half marathon possible, not just to finish but to enjoy the journey and finish well.

Similarity in our lives if we want to develop perseverance, stamina, strength and tenacity, there are challenges that we must face to build these skills. Just like the workouts, we need different type of experiences to develop a variety of important life skills.

We will face speed challenges, those situations that require us to react quickly and respond immediately. It might be a highly stressful situation which does not last awfully long but requires all our energy and attention at the times.

And we will face the hills, the ups and downs of life. Sometimes we cruise downhill and then we need to put our heads down and give it a burst of energy as we face an uphill battle.

And there will be times when we are in for the long slow challenge. Those projects, dreams, or situations when we need to persevere and pace ourselves during periods of extended challenge or struggle. We are in for the long stretch and slow and steady wins this race.

And then in between we will have times when it is easy. Times when life is in cruise mode, breathing space. We can take a moment to enjoy and be grateful for all that we have.

All these different seasons and experiences we have in our live create our character and develop our resistance. God gives us opportunities to grow and learn for our benefit, these challenges and trials might seem like a bad thing, but they are not. They give us the ability to grow stronger and be ready for the future. Love the workouts.

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

God is calling you today!

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, November 4, 2020

When you’re sitting in church, listening to the notices asking for volunteers for the worship team and you feel a little nudge saying, ‘You could do that’. Do you obey and sign up?

When you hear your neighbour has lost their job and you feel a wee tug in your heart saying, ‘Go and help them.’ Do you obey and help?

When you’re sitting with a friend over coffee as she tells you her marriage is struggling, and the Holy Spirit prompts you to pray with her now. Do you obey and offer to pray with her right then?

These little moments are opportunities to follow the call of God and obey. When we are faithful and obey with the little things, God will trust us with the bigger things.

I have heard it said God will call us according to our gifts and talents. God created us all with different gifts, abilities and strengths, and it is good to work within those strengths, within our passions and interests.

But don’t limit God by working only within the things you already know or are good at.

How do you know what other hidden talents or character traits could be developed if you don’t step out and try different things? God knows best what you are capable of and He will equip you for any purpose He calls you for, but you might not have everything you need at the start of the process. Obey in faith, and trust God for provision of all you need as the journey continues.

I’ve also heard people say that if a calling is a struggle or too difficult, then it must not be from God. Some people say your calling should be natural and easy for you. I disagree.

Don’t use this as an excuse to not take on something that seems like an impossible challenge, or to give up. Following God’s call may not be easy, and it might not ‘feel’ natural—especially at the start. Be wary of quitting something and classifying it as not being your calling too soon just because it feels too hard or too unfamiliar. Push through. Then the growth will come.

If you think you have been called by God to do something big, a calling that will have an impact on your life or those around you, consider it seriously. Pray about it, study the Bible, and talk with God. Pray for clarification and confirmation. Talk with people who are involved. Take advice from trusted Christian friends. Seek advice from wise and spiritual leaders around you. Be sure you have a calling from God before you follow. Then obey and trust the journey.

Be prepared to step up and step out of your comfort zone. Be prepared for surprises. God often doesn’t do things the way we expect or would prefer.

The outcome may be surprising, unexpected or even disappointing. But that is our human perspective, not God’s all-knowing eternal perspective.

Our plans can never be as well-planned or as imaginative or as intricate as the plans of God, the Creator of the Universe.

(this blog is an extract from ‘Footfalls – Following God even when it hurts’ by Staci McLean. Purchase the book at www.stacimclean.co.nz)

“When God calls you to something, He is not always calling you to succeed, He’s calling you to obey! The success of the calling is up to Him; the obedience is up to you.”
David Wilkerson

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

This little piggy went to…

By Staci McLean on Tuesday, October 27, 2020

I kicked the door. I did not mean to, but I was rushing around, running late to an appointment and in my haste, I was not paying attention to where I was going. I am clumsy by nature and accidents are a usual accordance for me, so it was not so surprising that I kicked the door as I rushed past.

The only part of my foot that connected to the door was the most vulnerable and smallest part, my wee little toe. If you have had the experience of hurting your little toe in a similar incident, you will understand the agony.

Over the next few days, the toe swelled and turned a blue-black colour and I had trouble walking as putting my foot down was very sore. This very small, not very important part of my body, which I never usually pay any attention to now had my full attention. I could not walk without hurting it. I had trouble wearing shoes. I could not do my normal fitness activities and even sleeping was uncomfortable and difficult.

How can one small part of my body, impact my life so significantly?

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul compares the church to the human body. Even the smallest, seemly unimportant part of the body is absolutely vital and indispensable. If any part of the body is hurt or damaged the whole body suffers.

My little toe was hurt and damaged, but I did not want to remove it or hide it away instead I wanted to be extra gentle and careful and give it extra attention to restore it back to health.

As the church we can at times overlook the hurt, the damaged, the people on the margins, the ones who are hiding in the shadows or do not quite fit in. Instead we are called to bringing them in, care for them, nurture them, taking special care with them, giving them special honour as they are a vital part of the body of Christ. They are important and significant to the health of the church.

We need diversity and variety. We all have different gifts and talents, and we need each other. A church that is made up of just legs or arms would be useless to the world. We need little toes as much as we need the feet to carry them.

In your rushing about do not overlook the little toes, instead protect and take care of the little toes.

‘Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it’

1 Corinthians 12:27

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

The Pain of Unanswered Prayers

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, July 29, 2020

In January this year I was sitting in the caravan at Waihi Beach and I felt that familiar tingle in my elbow. I recognised the feeling as I had had a major issue a few years early with my ‘funny bone’. Your funny bone is not a bone but the ulna nerve that runs through the elbow and there is nothing funny about it when it goes wrong. Please God NO!

A few years early I had lost about a year of my life from pain and weakness in my arms because of the compression of the ulna nerves in both my elbows. I had spent that time in agony with nerve pain which could not be control with medication, visiting doctors, specialists, physio and therapists, trying splints and braces and then finally had surgery on my right elbow and then six weeks later surgery on my left elbow, followed another 6 months of recovery gaining the strength and function back. During this ordeal, I prayed, I cried, and begged for God to intercede for me. “Please God heal me or at least give me comfort or relief, even just a little bit”.

I asked everyone I knew to pray for me, also people I did not know were praying for me on behalf of my friends who I had asked for help, but there was no answer to our prayers. It was a physically challenging year, but the impact on my faith and my trust in God was significant also. Why had God left me to suffer, had He forgotten about me? I believed that God had a plan for me, plans for good, for a hope, and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), that verse had been my theme song. God had rescued me from addiction and total brokenness and now it seemed He had forgotten me. What had I done to deserve this?

It is almost impossible to see the blessings in the trials at the time and looking back in hindsight, I learnt so much and realised how much I do trust God. Despite everything I went through and what seemed like a lack of response or lack of answer to prayer, I still believed God loved me and was on my side, I just did not understand the path He had taken me on. I did gain a sort of peace with what I had gone through that year looking back and after coming out the other side. I thought I knew what it was all about, I thought I understood the lessons God wanted me to learn, that he was preparing me for the next part of my purpose in stepping up and writing my books. What I was not prepared for was doing it all over again.

So, January this year when I felt the tingle, I was scared. I had had an incredible previous 18 months with writing my books and speaking, so many opportunities and response to my story. I was excited about where God was taking me next, I was on a mission for God to share my testimony of His love and faithfulness, serving Him and devoting my career in His service but then the pain started. A little at first and then more and more until again it was unbearable. Once again I found myself on the couch unable to work, on pain killers which made me exhausted all the time, with a right arm that felt like it was getting electric shocks every time I moved. To say I was angry at God was an understatement. I had been serving Him, following my purpose, working hard and faithfully. I was helping people and encouraging them, but I was pretending as I was devastated and disillusioned in my heart by this turn of events. This time I knew what lay ahead of me and I could not believe I had to face it all again. Why God? Was I not doing enough for you? Was I being punished for some sin? Was this the end of my purpose? My confidence and self-esteem dived, and a deep depression set in. I wanted to give up, why fight this time? I had picked myself up before and it had been a tough road, and I did not know if I could do it again.

Initially I did not pray again. I had been disappointed last time as I hung all my hopes on God answering my prayers for healing, so my heart resisted opening again to that disappointment. As my health worsened my desperation grew and I did start to pray. Maybe God did not answer my prayers last time because I did not believe enough or maybe this time would be different. But no, I did not get the healing I thought I deserved because of my prayers and faithful service.

I did have to walk the same path again, through specialists, physios and ultimately surgery again. A much more significant surgery with a more difficult recovery. Also, I had Covid to content with too, my surgery had been scheduled for 2 days before we went into lock down as a country. When the surgeon called suggesting my operation might be cancelled, that is when I fell to my knees in absolute humility before the creator of the universe. “God please grant my prayer, I cannot face anymore, let my surgery go ahead despite the world crisis”. That prayer God answered, I was the last elective surgery slot before the country went into lock down and recovered on the couch with my family there to support and care for me.

The journey was awful, no glossing over how bad it was. I would never do it by choice and I do not want to repeat it. I can try to guess all the reasons God let me go on that journey and why He did not answer my prayers or at least in the ways I expected, but I will never really know. I can ask why over and over and never get the answer that I want. I will never understand the eternal impact or see the larger picture for my life or the significance that period of ill health will have on my life and on others who went through it with me. What I do know is, I survived. I am stronger and braver than ever, and I trust that God is faithful, and that God does love me. Jeremiah 29:11 is just as true in the good times as it is true in the middle of heartache and the trials of life. God will make good come out of our suffering, there are always gems amongst the dirt.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

Addiction recovery Confidence and Self esteem Inspiration

Do you know how much you are loved?

By Staci McLean on Thursday, July 23, 2020

Recently I went to a funeral of a very dear friend. She was a kind and caring person, who would help anyone, but she struggled with low self-esteem and confidence and she found it difficult to accept that she was loved by her friends and family or by God.

As I sat in her funeral listening to the people who loved her dearly, speak about the incredible sense of loss they felt, I just wished she could have understood how much she was loved. The room was overflowing with people who were all impacted by her life and by her passing.

Had she been there sitting next to me, seeing what I was seeing and hearing the words of speakers, reading the messages of condolences and the tributes, I think she would have been overwhelmed. So many people loved her, and God loves her even more. I wish she had understood that when she was alive.

But do any of us really know and accept how much we are loved?

Do we live our lives every day knowing deep down in our hearts that we are loved, accepted, and cherished by our family and friends?

Do we really understand how much God loves us?

Our lives have the potential to be quite different if we can totally comprehend this love. If you knew you were loved unconditionally and completely, would you be fearful? Would you feel insecure and unworthy? Would you be broken? Would you feel alone or abandoned? No. When we understand how much we are loved, we are confident, brave, courageous, loving, selfless, joyful, and strong.

Human love can be messy and complicated, but God’s love is not. God is love. God’s love for us is complete, merciful, and perfect. I love the song, ‘Reckless Love’ by Cory Asbury. The chorus captures this picture of the love of God so well.

The overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God. It chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, and I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

God’s love is reckless. He gave it all for us. He chases us and fights for us, we do not deserve it and we can never do enough to earn it, but He gives us freedom, healing, and salvation through Jesus. Jesus – the ultimate gift of love.

Know this, let it sink into your spirit and every cell of your body and mind. You are loved and you are cherished by God. He wants to know you. He wants to cover you with love. He wants you to understand and feels His love and then live your life bathed in His love, serving and loving others.

Addiction recovery

From Hopeless to Happy

By Staci McLean on Friday, June 26, 2020

I was hooked on booze from the moment I had my first beer at 14. I loved it immediately. I was never a ‘social’ drinker, I was a binge drinker, once I started, I could not stop myself. The party girl who loved a good time. I drunk to feel happy, to relax, to feel special, to block out emotional pain and to avoid facing reality.

In the last couple of years leading up to finally giving up alcohol, my life was spiralling out of control. My mother died after a short illness; her death affected me greatly, so I drunk more to avoid dealing with my grief.

From the outside I looked like I was coping but inside I was consumed with pain and loathing. I would drink to have a fun night and to forget, then wake up the next morning feeling sick and filled with regret and shame. Every night out drinking ended up in a major drama and my relationships with my husband, family and friends were being significantly damaged by my behaviour when drinking. The party girl was not fun anymore, she was a sloppy, crying and angry mess.

Late one night I was lying on the bathroom floor alone sobbing, I was so sad and in so much emotional pain it felt like my heart was literally breaking apart. The thought of continuing to live like this was unbearable to consider. I knew that I could not continue to do this anymore. The only option I thought I had was suicide. Amid the hopelessness and suffering I cried out a desperate prayer. That small croaked prayer caused a shift in me, there was no angel choir or massive religious experience, but I felt a whisper of hope and a glimpse of a possible different future. I got up off that floor and decided to stopped drinking immediately.

I made a serious decision that night that I was not going to drink again. I did not know how I was going to achieve this but making the decision awakened a drive and motivation in me which I had not experienced before. Soon after that evening I was invited to church and shortly after I became a Christian. My new faith in God gave me the courage to change and the church gave me a solid support network of people who wanted me to succeed and supported me.

I learnt that I am stronger than I thought I was. When I was drinking, I was out of control, I felt powerless, constantly ashamed of myself and hated myself. Now I have hope, forgiveness, and a future.

My life is vastly different now. I have a happy marriage, two wonderful boys and many amazing friends. My life is exciting and interesting. I love waking up on a Saturday morning with a clear head and plans for the day, no more wasted weekends.

I have been sober now for nearly 22 years and I am grateful to God for every day I get to live with hope, freedom, and happiness.

Want to read more about my story, check out my book ‘Soaring out of the darkness’ on www.stacimclean.co.nz

Tag Archives: hope

You can recover from being a people pleaser

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11