trust

Live life looking forward

By Staci McLean on Thursday, March 17, 2022

I watched a futurist TV program recently and in it the characters could play back their memories through a chip in their brain. The memories could be projected onto a screen so they could watch alone or with others. They could rewind, zoom in and watch again and again. At first this is revolutionary technology, to be able to rewatch and relive wonderful memories of getting married, of having children, amazing holidays and parties. But instead each of the characters replays failed job interviews, arguments and mistakes, picking apart every subtle movement and every word, trying to figure out what went wrong and still each person would have a different opinion of the experience depending on their perspective.

It might seem like just sci fi and unrealistic but in reality that is exactly what we do when we look back. Have you every re-lived an experience through your thoughts, going over every word you said or did not say, or each response you received back, trying to mind read what others thought of you?

We can get stuck looking back, instead of looking forward.

Most often when we look into the past and dwell there, we are looking at the negative experiences we have had. Looking back at past mistakes and failures and reliving those experiences again and again. It gives us a distorted view and also creates false memories. If you are only running the same experiences looking for the mistakes, you start to believe that your interpretation of events is the actual truth of what happened. The more you think about it, the more important and true the event becomes to your brain. For example, you may have gone to a party and met someone new at that party. That person had just finished a funny conversation with someone else and laughed as they were introduced to you. Because of the timing of that laugh, you interpret it as they were laughing at you. You play that over in your mind again and again looking for the reason or reliving the embarrassment, creating an answer in your mind and now your only memory of the party is negative. But in fact except for that moment, the rest of the party was great but as you only focus on that experience and relentlessly tell yourself he was laughing at you, it becomes your memory.

Always looking back, in a misguided opinion that you can fix or change something is pointless, only ending up in frustration and insecurity. In the present wonderful opportunities and incredible experiences are right in front of you, but looking behind you, you will miss them.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-15

Practical tips to looking forward

Be alert to present opportunities and new blessings – pay attention to what is on your plate now. You have enough to do today, don’t lose time and energy thinking about yesterday. There is work for us to do today, lets put all our effort into that.
When stuck, take baby steps. If the present scares you and the past seems more familiar and safe, take baby steps into your future. We can get stuck in the past, even though it was not good because it is what we know, we know the outcome. It is like watching a rerun of a old movie, you know what is going to happen and you know the main character will make it to the end. But watching a new movie is uncertain and unknown, you don’t know what will happen next. Life is uncertain, there is risk just being alive, but there is also happiness, joy and fulfillment ahead. You don’t need to take huge leaps and jumps into the unknown, you just need to take little baby steps.
Don’t believe everything you think or remember. Your thoughts and feelings can not always be trusted. They are our interpretations of the world based on our knowledge and experiences, the same is true for memories. Be wise about what you choose to focus on. If you are unsure get some guidance from a trained professional. They will help you work through the truth and the distortions in a safe and compassionate environment.

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Freedom Hope Inspiration Uncategorized

You can’t please them all

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Do you struggle to say NO?

Do you avoid conflict and pretend to agree with others?

Do you ignore your own calling, because you are scared of what people will say?

If so you might be a People Pleaser. But what is so wrong with wanting others to be happy?

A people pleaser is someone who tries very hard to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their own valuable time or resources away. It sounds like a good thing to care about people and want to help them, but when people pleasing comes from a place of pain and low self esteem it can result in feelings of overwhelm, stress and resentment.

People pleasing is often motivated by a need for approval and to avoid rejection. The striving and work hard is not coming from a place of fullness and joy but a place of emptiness. Instead of serving from self-less love, people pleasing is serving to meet a need for personal validation. People pleasing at a deep level is striving to please ourselves through the praise of others.

The danger in our desire to please, we might overlook or put up with behaviour which not acceptable. We might get carried away with a crowd and not stand up for what we believe because we don’t want to risk rejection. We might burnout because we take on too much responsibility.

We are not called to make other people happy. We are called to LOVE people not to please people. They are very different things.

Love can be gently challenging or correct someone.

Love can be saying NO to a request because they need to learn on their own or it is not good for them or someone else deserves an opportunity.

Love can be telling the truth about your own feelings even though it might hurt someone’s feelings, but result in a deeper honest relationship.

People pleasing is about serving YOU. Love is about serving GOD.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

You can recover from being a people pleaser

Practice listening and expressing your own thoughts and feelings, with kindness and love.

Take your decisions to God in prayer, rather than asking everyone else opinion.

Set boundaries. Respect yourself and other people, by being reasonable, honest and clear.

Encourage, respect, love and serve others. But do not compromise or bend to get their approval. You do not need it.

Addiction recovery Confidence and Self esteem Faith Freedom Hope Inspiration Stop your excuses

Pain Management

By Staci McLean on Monday, October 4, 2021

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
Westley, The Princess Bride

In the iconic and well loved movie the Princess Bride there is the above quote, which I love. Westley was right. Life is full of pain, that is the cost for the human experience. It comes with grief, disappointment, anger, hurt feelings and pain – physical and emotional. We tend to think that pain is the problem in our life, but pain itself is not the problem. The problems comes because we do not want to face our pain, we want to hide from it and so we look for something to ease our pain.

There are thousands of self-help programs, people, organisations that promise to take away all our pain and they promise us that we can be always be happy, feel good and be successful. But just like Westley said, these people are always selling something.

Another way we avoid pain is through mood altering substances or behaviours – alcohol, drugs, smoking, sex, sugar, Netflix, exercise. There are so many things we can use to change the chemical balances in our bodies artificially or naturally, to make ourselves feel better. As a recovering addict I know how attractive it can be to dull the pain for a moment. But those things only ever do the job for a moment and the pain returns.

By making ourselves feel better and using temporary avoidance of pain, we do ourselves a disservice. Because…

Where the pain is, is where you find growth.

Where the pain is, lies an opportunity to get closer to God

Where the pain is, we identify the truth about ourselves.

God never promised we would not suffer pain, in fact in many parts of the Bible we are told to expect suffering, persecution and pain. But God had a plan for us. Not in the comfort of people selling us a false dream or in activities that dull our pain but in faith and trust as we journey through our pain and into healing.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2

God tells us to expect suffering and pain, but also promises to comfort us, strengthen us, protect us, care for us and love us as we walk through the pain. Let yourself feel the pain, sit with it and process it and reap the benefits of walking out the other side. On the other side of pain is perseverance, strength, wisdom and truth.

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration Stop your excuses

Love Workouts

By Staci McLean on Monday, January 18, 2021

I have signed up to do a half marathon in March. I have done a few in the past but not for 2 or 3 years so I definitely need to train for it.

Training for a half marathon generally involves 4 types of workouts – speed, hills, long and easy. Speed workouts are shorter and faster to increase your pace. Hills increase your endurance and fitness. Long slow workouts help you be ready to cover the distance of a half marathon and easy is a workout but comfortable and enjoyable. Each training workout is designed to develop different skills and abilities. All together they make doing a challenge like a half marathon possible, not just to finish but to enjoy the journey and finish well.

Similarity in our lives if we want to develop perseverance, stamina, strength and tenacity, there are challenges that we must face to build these skills. Just like the workouts, we need different type of experiences to develop a variety of important life skills.

We will face speed challenges, those situations that require us to react quickly and respond immediately. It might be a highly stressful situation which does not last awfully long but requires all our energy and attention at the times.

And we will face the hills, the ups and downs of life. Sometimes we cruise downhill and then we need to put our heads down and give it a burst of energy as we face an uphill battle.

And there will be times when we are in for the long slow challenge. Those projects, dreams, or situations when we need to persevere and pace ourselves during periods of extended challenge or struggle. We are in for the long stretch and slow and steady wins this race.

And then in between we will have times when it is easy. Times when life is in cruise mode, breathing space. We can take a moment to enjoy and be grateful for all that we have.

All these different seasons and experiences we have in our live create our character and develop our resistance. God gives us opportunities to grow and learn for our benefit, these challenges and trials might seem like a bad thing, but they are not. They give us the ability to grow stronger and be ready for the future. Love the workouts.

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

God is calling you today!

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, November 4, 2020

When you’re sitting in church, listening to the notices asking for volunteers for the worship team and you feel a little nudge saying, ‘You could do that’. Do you obey and sign up?

When you hear your neighbour has lost their job and you feel a wee tug in your heart saying, ‘Go and help them.’ Do you obey and help?

When you’re sitting with a friend over coffee as she tells you her marriage is struggling, and the Holy Spirit prompts you to pray with her now. Do you obey and offer to pray with her right then?

These little moments are opportunities to follow the call of God and obey. When we are faithful and obey with the little things, God will trust us with the bigger things.

I have heard it said God will call us according to our gifts and talents. God created us all with different gifts, abilities and strengths, and it is good to work within those strengths, within our passions and interests.

But don’t limit God by working only within the things you already know or are good at.

How do you know what other hidden talents or character traits could be developed if you don’t step out and try different things? God knows best what you are capable of and He will equip you for any purpose He calls you for, but you might not have everything you need at the start of the process. Obey in faith, and trust God for provision of all you need as the journey continues.

I’ve also heard people say that if a calling is a struggle or too difficult, then it must not be from God. Some people say your calling should be natural and easy for you. I disagree.

Don’t use this as an excuse to not take on something that seems like an impossible challenge, or to give up. Following God’s call may not be easy, and it might not ‘feel’ natural—especially at the start. Be wary of quitting something and classifying it as not being your calling too soon just because it feels too hard or too unfamiliar. Push through. Then the growth will come.

If you think you have been called by God to do something big, a calling that will have an impact on your life or those around you, consider it seriously. Pray about it, study the Bible, and talk with God. Pray for clarification and confirmation. Talk with people who are involved. Take advice from trusted Christian friends. Seek advice from wise and spiritual leaders around you. Be sure you have a calling from God before you follow. Then obey and trust the journey.

Be prepared to step up and step out of your comfort zone. Be prepared for surprises. God often doesn’t do things the way we expect or would prefer.

The outcome may be surprising, unexpected or even disappointing. But that is our human perspective, not God’s all-knowing eternal perspective.

Our plans can never be as well-planned or as imaginative or as intricate as the plans of God, the Creator of the Universe.

(this blog is an extract from ‘Footfalls – Following God even when it hurts’ by Staci McLean. Purchase the book at www.stacimclean.co.nz)

“When God calls you to something, He is not always calling you to succeed, He’s calling you to obey! The success of the calling is up to Him; the obedience is up to you.”
David Wilkerson

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

This little piggy went to…

By Staci McLean on Tuesday, October 27, 2020

I kicked the door. I did not mean to, but I was rushing around, running late to an appointment and in my haste, I was not paying attention to where I was going. I am clumsy by nature and accidents are a usual accordance for me, so it was not so surprising that I kicked the door as I rushed past.

The only part of my foot that connected to the door was the most vulnerable and smallest part, my wee little toe. If you have had the experience of hurting your little toe in a similar incident, you will understand the agony.

Over the next few days, the toe swelled and turned a blue-black colour and I had trouble walking as putting my foot down was very sore. This very small, not very important part of my body, which I never usually pay any attention to now had my full attention. I could not walk without hurting it. I had trouble wearing shoes. I could not do my normal fitness activities and even sleeping was uncomfortable and difficult.

How can one small part of my body, impact my life so significantly?

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul compares the church to the human body. Even the smallest, seemly unimportant part of the body is absolutely vital and indispensable. If any part of the body is hurt or damaged the whole body suffers.

My little toe was hurt and damaged, but I did not want to remove it or hide it away instead I wanted to be extra gentle and careful and give it extra attention to restore it back to health.

As the church we can at times overlook the hurt, the damaged, the people on the margins, the ones who are hiding in the shadows or do not quite fit in. Instead we are called to bringing them in, care for them, nurture them, taking special care with them, giving them special honour as they are a vital part of the body of Christ. They are important and significant to the health of the church.

We need diversity and variety. We all have different gifts and talents, and we need each other. A church that is made up of just legs or arms would be useless to the world. We need little toes as much as we need the feet to carry them.

In your rushing about do not overlook the little toes, instead protect and take care of the little toes.

‘Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it’

1 Corinthians 12:27

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

Just in case

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, October 14, 2020

On a recent family holiday, I realised I had over packed, once again. I had way too much stuff and way more than we could possibly need. I had clothes for winter and summer conditions and everything in between, good clothes in case we went out, work out clothes in case I went for a run (I didn’t) and spares of everything JUST IN CASE!

It made me realise how much I prepare for ‘just in case’ and the stuff that I have accumulated on my journey through life. It is good to be prepared and sensible but often this translate into our emotional and spiritual lives well. There are so many emotional bags I have collected and keep inside, afraid to let go because of ‘just in case’. How much of this stuff is preventing my spiritual growth and my reliance on God?

When Jesus sent the disciples out to share the good news in Matthew 10, he sent them out in groups of two but without anything and they were instructed not to take any provisions with them. They were sent out and told to rely on the goodness of strangers and on Gods provision. I bet they had wanted to take a few spare pairs of shoes or some food or in least a drink bottle, just in case. But had they done that, they would not have experienced God’s miracles of provision or learnt valuable lessons in trust.

Setting aside money or savings for a rainy day or taking a raincoat with you on a cloudy day is not being unfaithful or untrusting but in fact quite sensible. It is not these things in themselves that are wrong, but when they become our full reliance, our trust, our security instead of God, we are missing out on the miracles and the opportunities.

In an emotional sense, my ‘just in case’ reasoning leads me to withhold just a little bit of my energy or my time or my heart from God and from following the plans God has for me with 100%. ‘Just in case’ is protection and comes from doubt that maybe God will not come through when it matters or perhaps Gods plans will not work out the way I want them too.

When Jesus sent the disciples they were not promised everything would be rosy, in fact they were told they would be rejected, kicked out, ignored by the people, but they would also have their basic physical needs meet and would perform miracles, cast out demons and heal the sick. When they returned, they told of all the amazing things that had happened. I would have loved to hear those stories, faith building testimonies of God’s love and faithfulness.

When you set aside your spiritual ‘just in case’ and wholeheartedly rely and trust on God to keep His promises, to care for you and know what is best for you, you will see miracles, have an impact on the world around you and collect your own stories of Gods faithfulness and love.

“Don’t worry about your future. God knows you completely, accepts you unconditionally and loves you wholeheartedly. You can trust Him”
Nicky Gumbel

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

What do you see in the mirror?

By Staci McLean on Tuesday, August 11, 2020

On my dressing table I have a small standalone mirror. It has lights around the edges and one side is a normal mirror and the other side is a magnifying mirror. The normal side is good, the lights make it easier to put on my makeup but if by mistake I flip it over and catch a glimpse at my magnified image, it is shocking. Every bump, spot or wrinkle is enlarged and amplified. When I first discovered the magnified side of the mirror, I started obsessing about all my ‘flaws’ on my face and wondering how to fix them. Until I realised that no one ever looks at my face that closely or with a magnifying glass and those ‘flaws’ were nothing more than normal skin and normal aging. The magnification gave me an altered reality. It is true in life as well, what we focus on and magnify in our minds can become more significant to us whether it is real or not.

When you look in the mirror or think about your character and who you are as a person, do you focus only on your faults and what needs to be ‘fixed’ or can you see your beauty and all the amazing qualities you have.

A mirror can only reflect what is standing in front of it. We interpret the image and make conclusions and judgements about what we see. A mirror does not say you are ugly or worthless, you tell yourself that. Neither does the mirror tell you that you are acceptable and confident; your personality will reflect that inner belief.

Holding up a magnifying glass can make you see flaws that are not even there or make you obsess and have an unhealthy fixation on yourself. Spending too much time and energy focused on yourself and judging yourself harshly is unproductive and destroys self-esteem. It leads you away from freedom and from being who God created you to be and away from your purpose. Rather learn to see yourself as God sees you, a work in progress but loved and accepted.

“Every time you look in the mirror remember that God created you and that everything He creates is beautiful and good!”
Joyce Meyer

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

Until next week…

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Remember in the ‘old’ days when you watched your favourite TV program and then had to wait a whole week for the next episode, it was torture. But the anticipation and the discussions and dissection of the episode with friends was the highlight of the week and when the following week rolled around, it was as exciting as Christmas morning as the familiar theme song played once again.

The introduction of ‘on demand’ entertainment has changed all this. I am not opposed to streaming at all, in fact I am a big fan and love the access to such a huge and wide range of options but when I explain to my kids about the ‘old’ days of TV and watching one episode per week they look back at me blankly and I wonder if they are missing out on a valuable experience.

With such a over indulgent culture when entertainment is endless, we have food delivered to the door and at a click of the mouse we can order just about anything and it will arrive in the few days are we becoming immune to the blessing of waiting.

When we think about waiting and patience it is often in terms of struggle or pain or disappointment. We do not want to wait for the things we want or need, we want action, we want results. However, we forget about the other side of waiting, the excitement building, anticipation, suspense, expectancy, hope, butterflies in your stomach. Even waiting can be a wonderful experience when looked at with different eyes.

The Bible is filled with people waiting. Abraham waited for a child, Jacob waited for Rachel, Moses waited in the wilderness, David waited to be King, the Disciples waited for the Holy Spirit and even Jesus waited for the right time to start his mission. So why do we get so impatient and think we should not have to wait too?

Waiting is a fact of life; we all experience it. In your future you will have to wait, you will wait for things to happen, for other people, for traffic and appointments, for God to answer prayers and for time to pass. But we all get a choice on how we spend that waiting time. Use your waiting time to be joyful, to be excited about what comes next, to be a blessing to others who might be waiting with you, to connect with God for strength and wisdom when it gets tough, appreciate the present moment and be grateful.

“Patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” Joyce Meyer

Confidence and Self esteem Faith Inspiration

The Pain of Unanswered Prayers

By Staci McLean on Wednesday, July 29, 2020

In January this year I was sitting in the caravan at Waihi Beach and I felt that familiar tingle in my elbow. I recognised the feeling as I had had a major issue a few years early with my ‘funny bone’. Your funny bone is not a bone but the ulna nerve that runs through the elbow and there is nothing funny about it when it goes wrong. Please God NO!

A few years early I had lost about a year of my life from pain and weakness in my arms because of the compression of the ulna nerves in both my elbows. I had spent that time in agony with nerve pain which could not be control with medication, visiting doctors, specialists, physio and therapists, trying splints and braces and then finally had surgery on my right elbow and then six weeks later surgery on my left elbow, followed another 6 months of recovery gaining the strength and function back. During this ordeal, I prayed, I cried, and begged for God to intercede for me. “Please God heal me or at least give me comfort or relief, even just a little bit”.

I asked everyone I knew to pray for me, also people I did not know were praying for me on behalf of my friends who I had asked for help, but there was no answer to our prayers. It was a physically challenging year, but the impact on my faith and my trust in God was significant also. Why had God left me to suffer, had He forgotten about me? I believed that God had a plan for me, plans for good, for a hope, and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), that verse had been my theme song. God had rescued me from addiction and total brokenness and now it seemed He had forgotten me. What had I done to deserve this?

It is almost impossible to see the blessings in the trials at the time and looking back in hindsight, I learnt so much and realised how much I do trust God. Despite everything I went through and what seemed like a lack of response or lack of answer to prayer, I still believed God loved me and was on my side, I just did not understand the path He had taken me on. I did gain a sort of peace with what I had gone through that year looking back and after coming out the other side. I thought I knew what it was all about, I thought I understood the lessons God wanted me to learn, that he was preparing me for the next part of my purpose in stepping up and writing my books. What I was not prepared for was doing it all over again.

So, January this year when I felt the tingle, I was scared. I had had an incredible previous 18 months with writing my books and speaking, so many opportunities and response to my story. I was excited about where God was taking me next, I was on a mission for God to share my testimony of His love and faithfulness, serving Him and devoting my career in His service but then the pain started. A little at first and then more and more until again it was unbearable. Once again I found myself on the couch unable to work, on pain killers which made me exhausted all the time, with a right arm that felt like it was getting electric shocks every time I moved. To say I was angry at God was an understatement. I had been serving Him, following my purpose, working hard and faithfully. I was helping people and encouraging them, but I was pretending as I was devastated and disillusioned in my heart by this turn of events. This time I knew what lay ahead of me and I could not believe I had to face it all again. Why God? Was I not doing enough for you? Was I being punished for some sin? Was this the end of my purpose? My confidence and self-esteem dived, and a deep depression set in. I wanted to give up, why fight this time? I had picked myself up before and it had been a tough road, and I did not know if I could do it again.

Initially I did not pray again. I had been disappointed last time as I hung all my hopes on God answering my prayers for healing, so my heart resisted opening again to that disappointment. As my health worsened my desperation grew and I did start to pray. Maybe God did not answer my prayers last time because I did not believe enough or maybe this time would be different. But no, I did not get the healing I thought I deserved because of my prayers and faithful service.

I did have to walk the same path again, through specialists, physios and ultimately surgery again. A much more significant surgery with a more difficult recovery. Also, I had Covid to content with too, my surgery had been scheduled for 2 days before we went into lock down as a country. When the surgeon called suggesting my operation might be cancelled, that is when I fell to my knees in absolute humility before the creator of the universe. “God please grant my prayer, I cannot face anymore, let my surgery go ahead despite the world crisis”. That prayer God answered, I was the last elective surgery slot before the country went into lock down and recovered on the couch with my family there to support and care for me.

The journey was awful, no glossing over how bad it was. I would never do it by choice and I do not want to repeat it. I can try to guess all the reasons God let me go on that journey and why He did not answer my prayers or at least in the ways I expected, but I will never really know. I can ask why over and over and never get the answer that I want. I will never understand the eternal impact or see the larger picture for my life or the significance that period of ill health will have on my life and on others who went through it with me. What I do know is, I survived. I am stronger and braver than ever, and I trust that God is faithful, and that God does love me. Jeremiah 29:11 is just as true in the good times as it is true in the middle of heartache and the trials of life. God will make good come out of our suffering, there are always gems amongst the dirt.

Tag Archives: trust

Live life looking forward

You can’t please them all

You can recover from being a people pleaser

Pain Management

Love Workouts

God is calling you today!

This little piggy went to…

Just in case

What do you see in the mirror?

Until next week…

The Pain of Unanswered Prayers

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11