Do you struggle to say NO?
Do you avoid conflict and pretend to agree with others?
Do you ignore your own calling, because you are scared of what people will say?
If so you might be a People Pleaser. But what is so wrong with wanting others to be happy?
A people pleaser is someone who tries very hard to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their own valuable time or resources away. It sounds like a good thing to care about people and want to help them, but when people pleasing comes from a place of pain and low self esteem it can result in feelings of overwhelm, stress and resentment.
People pleasing is often motivated by a need for approval and to avoid rejection. The striving and work hard is not coming from a place of fullness and joy but a place of emptiness. Instead of serving from self-less love, people pleasing is serving to meet a need for personal validation. People pleasing at a deep level is striving to please ourselves through the praise of others.
The danger in our desire to please, we might overlook or put up with behaviour which not acceptable. We might get carried away with a crowd and not stand up for what we believe because we don’t want to risk rejection. We might burnout because we take on too much responsibility.
We are not called to make other people happy. We are called to LOVE people not to please people. They are very different things.
Love can be gently challenging or correct someone.
Love can be saying NO to a request because they need to learn on their own or it is not good for them or someone else deserves an opportunity.
Love can be telling the truth about your own feelings even though it might hurt someone’s feelings, but result in a deeper honest relationship.
People pleasing is about serving YOU. Love is about serving GOD.
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10
You can recover from being a people pleaser
Practice listening and expressing your own thoughts and feelings, with kindness and love.
Take your decisions to God in prayer, rather than asking everyone else opinion.
Set boundaries. Respect yourself and other people, by being reasonable, honest and clear.
Encourage, respect, love and serve others. But do not compromise or bend to get their approval. You do not need it.